Flawless Plans

17 June 2016

On Their Way!

Benjamin and Bear are on their way!!! Well, they are currently hanging out in the airport waiting for their flight - which is in seven more hours. And I thought I got to the airport early!

Anyway, I am proud of my husband who knows how to be the squeaky wheel, even in a bureaucratic maze as large as this.

And this still would not have been possible without my father-in-law Howard, who has made so many trips to the Embassy in DC that they are on a first name basis with him. Thank you so so so much!

So now my boys have passports and visas in hand, they are all packed up and waiting in the airport. And I will meet them in Auckland tomorrow morning. I am so relieved and so looking forward to seeing them!

As soon as I heard that the visas had been approved, I felt my whole body relax. I was not aware of holding so much tension, but letting it go felt amazing. I spent most of the morning curled in a comfortable chair with a baby, a book, and a cup of tea. It was marvelous.

In the afternoon I ventured out into the city - I had to walk back downtown to the bank to get my e-banking card. Even in the neighborhood of the Friends Centre, a little further from downtown, there is still a cafe every 30 feet or so. I don't know why anyone who lives in Wellington would ever cook.

I also went back to Te Papa, the national museum. It was actually my third day at the museum and I now feel I have seen...most of it. Still not everything. Sorry for the lack of pictures - photography is not allowed in most of the museum out of respect for the Maori traditions. It's a very well-curated experience with appeal for all age groups - and it is free!

On Saturday I packed up and headed back to the airport for a short flight back up to Auckland. Pax is a traveling pro at this point and she did great. Also, Kiwis are so polite and helpful - strangers offered to carry my bags and helped me get settled on the plane and made faces to entertain Pax. I feel free to fall in love with this country now that I know they will let my family in.

I was met at the airport by the lovely Patti who drove us home to the Auckland Friends Centre.

I can't wait to see my guys!!!

Both are gross.

Pax enjoys Thai food as well.

Pedestrian mall in Wellington

Downtown Wellington

This was OTC and in NZ dollars. In the US this medication is prescription only and costs $120 US for the same amount.

High school students play The Entertainer on a rainbow piano by the waterfront.

Wellington waterfront.

Outside Te Papa

This book was on display at Te Papa - it features this spread about Benjamin's grandfather.

Art floor at Te Papa

Or in Bear's case, place your child in a straight jacket.

Modern art at Te Papa

Cider selection at the Wellington grocery store

Pax is soooo close to crawling

Inside the Wellington airport.

Playing on the floor at the Wellington airport

Pax thought this safety card was hilarious and also delicious

Playing on the floor at a new and different Friends Centre

Garden at the Auckland Friends Centre

In Which I Meet Substantia Jones

After our hike up to the Botanical Garden, Patti and I returned to the hotel room and got packed up. She was off to the airport and back to Auckland, and I was off to the Wellington Friends Centre, currently run by my new friends Elaine and Sue.

I got there and got settled in a bit before heading out on my next mission: finding a New Yorker.

Not just any New Yorker. I was looking for Substantia Jones - the photographer and activist behind Adipositivity. Adipositivity is an art project exposing the beauty of fat bodies, a brave stand against what Jones calls the "Angst Industrial Complex." I remember stumbling across her page during the research for my Public Health thesis on Size Acceptance - I promptly sat down and looked at Every. Single. Image. And I recommend you do it, too. Though I had written many pages about how important size acceptance is and how fat people deserve consideration and respect, I had never before really thought that fat bodies were beautiful. I had embraced intuitive eating and respecting my body's own set point with regard to weight - but I had this unspoken assumption that this meant I had to give up on being sexy. But these pictures are sexy. They are sexy and beautiful and intimate - and they capture the spark of each person.

So I went to find her. It was a long trek onto a college campus - I got a bit lost and ended up cutting through the local high school.

1. Yes, the high school was unlocked in the middle of the day. These things are possible in countries with reasonable gun laws.
2. The walls were adorned with posters about "What Being a Feminist Means to Me" and adverts for the "Refugee Welcome Committee." I really want to meet and hang out with these kids - they seem awesome.

Eventually, I found the location of the presentation - and Pax and I slid inside. It was a great presentation - there were lots of new photos that I hadn't seen before. And it was awesome to see Substantia Jones in person - it's hard to articulate, but it's good to see internet reality cross over into regular reality. Too often it feels like my corner of the internet is very liberal and supportive and when I venture into the real world I often find it less warm and cuddly. So it was good to see that Substantia Jones is a real person, and that there were real people there to hear her speak.

And also, she is just a person. She's a very talented photographer and quite inspired to come up with this project and quite brave to be taking this project all the way across the world. But she is also just a person. Even though her website has meant so much to hundreds of people and has helped so many people value themselves more and maybe treat others better - she is just a regular person doing this awesome thing.

Just your daily reminder to go do your awesome thing.

16 June 2016

Orientation, My Substitute Mom, and Visa Troubles - Wellington

So here I am in Wellington, getting oriented. The orientation is put on by the government-run locums agency and is a whirlwind course including everything from driving on the left to a primer on the New Zealand healthcare system. (More about the New Zealand healthcare system when I see it in action, but it's already obviously a big improvement over the US "system").

Of course, I also got to learn another Electronic Medical Record program - the Canadian in the class was bragging that he had to learn to use four different EMRs in the short time he has been in practice. Ptsh, please. Let's see: Epic, Cerner, PowerChart, Azyxi (that was true shenanagins), PeriCalm, MIS, whatever that gawd-awful thing at Union outpatient was, PAS, and that doesn't include radiology. Oh and paper. When I suggested paper notes were a thing everyone looked at me like I must be some sort of time traveler.

Polynesian explorer Kupe first sights Aotearoa.

Being an American abroad is an interesting situation right now. Upon introducing myself, one kiwi succinctly observed, "ah, so you're here to escape Donald Trump and gun violence, are you?" Um, essentially, yes. Well, less to escape and more to see another way of doing things and hopefully bring those observations back home. But escape is sounding better and better. And though just a few days ago I wrote that I was not coming to escape political violence, the mass slaughter of my queer brothers and sisters in my home country makes me feel more like a refugee than I thought I was. It also makes me feel guilty for leaving just now, when it feels like there is a battle to be fought.

But here I am. In a hotel in Wellington with my six month old.

My biggest blessing in New Zealand, and the person who has made this whole orientation-with-a-baby situation possible is Patti. She is a Quaker and a family friend of my in-laws currently living in Auckland. When she heard about our visa situation, she offered to fly down to Wellington and watch Pax while I went to orientation. Um, yes, please! She actually had a similar visa situation herself, and was stranded in California for a time awaiting medical review, too.

The Amazing Patti

She has been utterly amazing. Not only has she cared for Pax while I am off being oriented, she has also gently reminded me to eat, introduced me to various Quakers across the North Island, and generally kept me company. Basically, she's been my substitute mom, and I am so thankful for her.

I especially enjoyed getting to explore Wellington with her - it is so much more fun to share that sense of newness and discovery with someone else. And Patti reminds me so much of my own mom - she has that same kindness and enthusiasm, the same deep appreciation for a brisk walk. And they both provide grade A baby snuggles.

This morning we found ourselves up early (thanks jetlag), so we hiked up the hill to the botanical gardens, arriving just in time to watch the sun rise over the city. Magic.

Sunrise from the Botanical Garden

Benjamin called during our walk - he had been in touch with New Zealand Immigration again. We have been told that the medical review process we're involved in takes either 2-4 weeks or 30-60 days depending on who you ask. Benjamin has chosen to assume the 2-4 weeks is the correct time frame; I have of course decided to plan for the worst. During this phone call he learned that though we submitted the additional medical documents they requested on 31 May, they were not forwarded to the medical review officer until 7 June. So whichever time frame we were using, it hadn't even started for another week.

I like New Zealand already - it's hard not to since it's basically like a hybrid of Hawaii and Britain. But it's hard to fall in love with a country when that country is keeping your husband and son in bureaucratic limbo.

Pax explores under the bed.

Sculpture near the hotel

Early morning at the waterfront

Sunny afternoon at the waterfront.

Patti at the Night Noodle Market

13 June 2016

Hello from the Other Side

I'm sitting in the Wellington airport waiting for my phone to charge. Pax is having some floor time and claiming a whole new hemisphere as hers with her spit-up markings. We are here!

I arrived at the LA airport a full four hours before departure and said tearful goodbyes to Benjamin and Bear. This part is hard. Gut-wrenching, still-tearing-up-just-thinking-about-it-now hard. Leaving your child and husband in another country for an unknown length of time - this is not an experience I would wish on anyone. The whole situation makes me feel powerless and hopeless. And anxious.

And guys - this is just really privileged we-wanted-to-have-an-adventure type immigration. We're not fleeing war. We're not unable to provide for our family in our home country. Pax and I flew here on a very safe plane - no lifejackets required. And it is still really, really hard to be separated from my spouse and child. It is still really hard to be in a country where I don't understand how cell phones work, even if I do understand the language. All I am saying is, please go hug a refugee. Hug them and then offer to take them grocery shopping and get their kids enrolled in school because this stuff is hard without any associate trauma.

After the tearful goodbyes, I got checked in for my flight, dropped off my baggage, and headed to security. There was a moment where the gate agent didn't think my visa was valid and I had a second to fantasize about having no choice but calling Benjamin to come pick us up and getting back in the car with him and Bear and deciding not to do this whole crazy thing anyway. But then her supervisor showed up and verified that yes e-visas are a real thing and they took our suitcases and sent us to security. Pax and I were spared the X-ray machine but we both got our hands swabbed for explosive residue. Yes, they swabbed my five month old for explosive residue. I think the TSA has not studied developmental milestones because she cannot sit up on her own, she definitely cannot make any improvised explosive devices. Promise.

So we got through security and got to the gate with plenty of time to spare. I panicked and decided I could not do this without one of those little neck pillow things, so I bought one of those. I called Benjamin and got myself crying all over again. I called my mom and got her crying all over again. I ate a pork quesadilla. Then it was time to board.

Everyone was quite polite and helpful about the baby. I didn't catch any eye rolls or anyone desperately trying to change their seat. And Pax behaved herself pretty well. She didn't think much of the bassinet that screws to the bulkhead, but she was content to sit on my lap and nurse for pretty much the whole time. I watched three movies: Zootopia, Joy, and The Force Awakens. I got a total of three hours of sleep. Using the tiny airplane bathroom while holding a squirming infant was a bit of a challenge but we made it happen. There was only one moment where I got really antsy and just needed to be off the plane, but I breathed and that moment passed. When we disembarked, four separate people congratulated me on how well she did. And when I struggled a little to put on my backpack, a man behind me wordlessly held it up and slipped the straps over my shoulders.

We filed out of the plane and into the line at immigration. The immigration officers laughed and joked with people, ribbing the Australian for his team's recent rugby defeat and playing peak-a-boo with a toddler. Being an American, I thought that this was physically impossible. When it was our turn at the desk, Pax and I were welcomed to New Zealand and ushered through to Customs. Another long line. Ultimately, my hiking boots were inspected and found to be not suspicious.

At this point I looked at the clock and realized that my flight to Wellington left in 40 minutes. Also it turns out the international terminal is about a mile and a half from the domestic terminal following an outdoor path through several dark parking lots. Also, I was carrying two suitcases, a backpack, a baby, and a car seat.

So I arrived at the domestic terminal a bit sweaty and breathless. I checked the suitcases and car seat again and then had to go through security all over again. Luckily the New Zealand version of the TSA does not require belt and shoe removal and does not suspect babies of bomb-making. I sprinted to the gate and was the second to last party to build the plane. The folks behind me were a family of four - two parents, a baby, and a sick toddler. Their seats turned out to be right in front of ours.

The flight to Wellington was short but turbulent and full of screaming children, only one of which was mine. Pax impressed her neighbors by spitting up a truly impressive volume of milk all over her, me, and the aisle of the airplane. So on landing, our first order of business was changing our clothes.

So, fresh clothes, snacks, coffee, electricity, and free wifi have all been accomplished, and now it is time for me to actually leave the airport.

10 June 2016

Last Days in these United States

Here is the collection of photos from our last several days in Palm Desert. We took a ride on the Palm Springs Aerial Tramway to Mount San Jacinto State Park, visited the Living Desert, and just goofed around in the hotel room.