My Homeland is a White Supremacist Police State

In a lot of ways, I don't feel like we are that far from home.  Through Skype and Facebook, it's possible to stay quite connected to folks back home.  Plus, New Zealand is not all that different from the US on the surface. It kind of feels like I've just stumbled into part of the US with an especially charming accent.

But today I am really feeling the distance.  I haven't been keeping up on American news, or any news other than my small town newspaper.  Only through Facebook, and much after the fact, did I learn of the death of yet another black American at the hands of the police.  And then another.

I feel hollow.  I feel breathless.  And I feel far away.

When I was in the States, absorbing this steady stream of hashtagged names felt disorienting. I got dizzy as each person's death spun through the news cycle: cell phone video, vigil/protest march, victim-blaming, cop indictment, cop acquittal.  Before one cycle completed, the next video was out, the next protest was organized.

I lived in Baltimore during the "unrest," I was right there walking past the State Police on my way to work each morning.  It was all a bit surreal, but life went on.  I went to work, I took care of my kids. My heart broke for the victims and their families, but I was almost too close to see clearly.  I drove through Penn and North on the way to visit my parents' and thought, 'here, right here is where this is happening.'

From a distance, I cannot see the trees; the forest becomes more obvious and more horrifying.  The United States is a white supremacist police state.

Here in New Zealand, every lesson on local race relations between Maori and Pakeha (Europeans) begins with European arrival in New Zealand and extends through the land-grabbing Treaty of Waitanga to the present day in an unbroken and still in-progress narrative.

Looking at the United States from far, far away, it is obvious that Freddie Gray comes from the War on Drugs and the War on Drugs comes form Jim Crow and Jim Crow comes from slavery.  How could it possibly not? How could a legacy of bondage that ended less than two hundred years ago not loom large in our country today?

(And at this point, I would like to tell every white person who says, "I never owned a slave," to kindly shut the fuck up.  I never owned a slave, no.  I was born in 1984.  But every privilege my people accumulated from not coming to the country in the hold of a ship? Those I owned - from my family being able to accumulate wealth over generations, to attending better quality public schools, to being hired first, to simply not being shot when pulled over, to not being pulled over to start with.)

The other thing I can see at this distance is that this is not normal.  The police summarily executing citizens on the street is not normal.  It is not ok.  It is not the hallmark of a stable democracy.

I was in the middle of writing this when I heard about Dallas.  I feel no sense of shock or surprise.  From here, I can see how broken my country is.

Getting to Opotiki

We left Auckland on Thursday morning.  Patti and Michael accompanied us on the train to the downtown travel plaza.  This was good because it turns out despite being at our lowest stuff level yet, we cannot walk and carry all our belongings and our children in one trip.  We said goodbye to Patti and Michael and climbed aboard the double-decker bus on a crowded street corner.  On the one hand, awesome - a double-decker bus.  On the other hand, why the hell were we taking a bus? Did I not remember the last time we took a bus?

The first leg of the journey went quite well.  Bear was distracted by the ipad for a good portion of the ride, and then crawled into my lap and fell asleep. There was a bit of poor planning in that we had not brought any snacks - we were expecting the bus to stop for breaks but it did not.  So we were a bit hungry when we arrived for our transfer in Rotarua.  It was raining quite heavily when we stopped, and the attendants helpfully unloaded our suitcases onto the curb in the rain.  Benjamin shuffled all four suitcases and various backpacks from the shiny double-decker bus with bathroom to the 10 passenger van circa 1982 that was provided for the second leg of the journey.

Meanwhile, I supervised Bear's use of the restroom.  After guiding him through washing his hands, I went to change the baby and discovered that we had what is technically known as a "poopsplosion," on our hands.  I had stripped the baby and was in the process of wiping her down with wet wipes on the floor of the restroom when Benjamin knocked on the door to let us know the bus was leaving.  I sent Bear out with Benjamin, slapped a diaper on the baby, and dashed through the rain hauling a car seat.  We made it to the bus.  Wet, hungry, and possibly still streaked with a bit of baby poop, but we were on the bus.

This is going to make great cover art for his second album.

Blurry bus selfie!

We arrived in Opotiki with family-wide critically low blood sugar.  Thank goodness the bus stop is also a cafe.  We had time to stuff our faces and become slightly more human before my new coworker met us and brought us to our house!

I cannot begin to convey to you how exciting it is to have our own house after living in hotel rooms for a month.  I am so pumped to spend more than three nights in one place, to unpack my clothes into drawers, to sleep in a separate bedroom from my children.  The house is great - it's so big we actually sort of don't know what to do with all the space.  THREE bedrooms? It's insane.  Also, my coworkers are super sweet and set it up for the kids with some books and toys.  And our beds were made.  And there is food in the fridge.  

Bear's bed and books.

They even covered the outlet in Bear's room.  Who is cutting onions in here?

Pax approves of the bedding choices.

We spent the weekend familiarizing ourselves with the town (all four blocks of it!) and doing some shopping for housewares. We signed up for library cards and explored the local grocery store.  We did mundane, not-on-vacation type things - and it felt great.

On Monday I start work and on Tuesday Bear starts school.  I still get that nervous first-day-of-school feeling - for myself and for Bear.  But we are both so very ready for a routine.
This is going to be good.

I think we're going to like it here.

Opotiki has a train. Bear declares we can stay. 

At the library, playing with antiques.

So close to crawling!

Listen, sometimes you need some possum and goat bodies.  

Breaking news!

Pax LOVES watching her brother. 

Q: Is the fridge small or is the celery big?
A: Yes.

Ready for tandem skydiving.

Being a less litigious society, New Zealanders can still enjoy the Jolly Jumper.

Playing together

Octopus pie!

Reunited! Three Days in Auckland

Awesome playground in Mt Eden

Benjamin and Bear are here! They arrived early Monday morning and Patti, Pax, and I met them at the airport.  

Bear did really well on the plane - he slept most of the time.  So he arrived full of energy.  While Benjamin chased down some luggage, Bear and Patti and I played "picnic," which involved purchasing overpriced airport snacks and enjoying them on the tile floor next to the luggage cart.  I took Bear to the bathroom, which was full of college girls applying makeup and brushing their teeth.  They spotted him and squealed "Bear!" and gave him high-fives.  He's been in the country under two hours and already has a fan club.  

Bear inducted Patti into his fan club very quickly, despite his near-comical inability to remember her name.  He latched on to her at the airport and pretty much demanded her attention the rest of our visit. 

Patti and Bear leaving the airport

Being separated from Bear was very difficult for me - not because I have trouble being away from him at all, but because I didn't know how long it would be and so I could not offer him the reassurance of telling him when he would see me again.  Once I knew we would be together again soon, I was able to relax.  And I tried to use the remaining time we spent apart to store up energy for him, to strategize about how to manage his "energetic spirit."  I resolved to have fair, firm boundaries.  I resolved to use firm touch to help his sensory regulation. I resolved to stick to a sleep schedule for him and be more patient with him and to support Benjamin better in his parenting.  Right.

Bear arrived on this island and I immediately felt like I was drowning in energetic preschooler again.  I had spent our time apart trying to think of how to better parent as a team, but Benjamin was checked-out - he was dealing with jet lag plus the cumulative exhaustion of entertaining Bear for a week on his own.  I wanted to actively engage with Bear, but I still had the baby weighing me down like an anchor when I wanted to run after my boy.   

Thank God for Patti.  She held hands crossing the road and baked special bread and told the "volcano story," 300 times in a row.  She seemed to be tapped in to some well of spectacular grandma-energy, and kept things stabilized while I remembered how to parent two children and Benjamin remembered how to be awake in the day time.  

Hanging our at the Friends Centre

On Tuesday we joined the Auckland Quakers on their famous Tuesday Morning Walk - we explored the area around One Tree Hill.  It was overcast but gorgeous.  Winter weather here is wet and windy, so it feels colder than it really is.  And even in winter there are fruit trees and tropical flowers everywhere. On the way up I carried Pax and Benjamin carried Bear.  On the way back I double carried  - talk about a work out!

Wednesday was wet and we all had trouble getting going for the day.  Of the many things we wanted to explore on our last day in Auckland (for now) but none of them were particularly good rainy day options.  Eventually we settled on just riding the train.  In New Zealand AT means Auckland Transit - basically a metro, but cleaner and quieter and with extremely friendly and helpful employees.  Of course Bear had an awesome time, and I really enjoyed spending time with Patti. (Benjamin and Michael both stayed at the Centre to get some rest.)

We finished out our day with dinner out with Patti and Michael at a brewery that had the best children's play area I've ever seen.  Basically, if this place existed in the US, I don't think us and our parent-friend tribe would ever leave.  They even had a cider on tap that was quite delicious.

So - the Flawless Planners are back together again and reasonably rested up.  We've enjoyed our time in Auckland and especially with Patti and Michael, and we are excited to get to our new home.  

Friends Centre still life. Bear 2016.

"I see you." Bear 2016.

"Group Portrait" Bear 2016. 

Bear and his Bear

Benjamin demonstrates how to use the climbing structure

One Tree Hill - apparently the one tree has recently been cut down.

The Tuesday Walking Group!

Michael in the mist

Here's some of those sheep we heard were everywhere.

Kiwis know how to do coffee

The best walking groups end with tea.

Playing under the table at the Friends Centre

Serious geography talk

Stuck!
(She can only crawl backwards ... so far.)

Bear's "City Feast"

Bear at the Mt Eden train station

So clean!

Fact: Babies love breweries

Thank you so much, Patti and Michael! Come visit us soon!